We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
