Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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