I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
