Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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