dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
