Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
