the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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