It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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