I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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