Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have aggressive nipples.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
