Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
