Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
