I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
