i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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