he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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