We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
