My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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