Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
