i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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