She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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