she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My life is pants optional.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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