Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
