Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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