So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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