We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
