dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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