got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
