Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
