I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
