My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
