Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
