i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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