I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
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So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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