Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
