I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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