2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Two words: nipple clamps
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