i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
