I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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