There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
