Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
