I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
