I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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