her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
