so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
