Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
