Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
