umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
