im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
