Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
