and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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