Where is the hickey?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
