somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize