Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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