I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
