I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
