hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
