I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
