I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
