I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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