You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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