Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
