Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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