i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
