I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.