she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
did you just send me my own nude
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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