There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
