omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
