Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
