I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
