My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
