are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize