I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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