Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
soo... how was my night?
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