Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
